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I've never had high self esteem. Even when I was a kid. Even before Kevin's accident. Even before we knew how weird Luke was. Luke was always weird, but not in a bad way. More like a geeky kind of way. And then after Kevin got hurt, I was the only normal one. My parents counted on me to be normal. Except I didn't feel normal.
I was getting dressed for school one morning, and I happened to look out the window. An old man was in the yard, looking up at my window. But when I went downstairs, no one was there. Really strange things started happening after that. I kept running in to people who knew me, knew everything about me, and everything about the world.
I didn't tell anybody for a long time. I knew nobody would believe me. And, besides, I was supposed to be the 'normal' one. Normal people don't see God everywhere they go. In the book store, in the mall, in the cherry picker at the side of the road, in the cafeteria at school. Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, occasionally a child.
He told me he appeared to me in a way I could recognise because his true form was beyond my comprehension. I asked him why me, why Kevin, why did Rocky have to die? He'd never give me a straight answer, only more cryptic stuff I had to figure out on my own. I used to think, what's the point of talking to God if God won't tell you anything useful?
When I told Adam, he didn't believe me. I think he said he believed I believed what I said. Which meant he didn't believe it. But why should he? Why would anyone believe it? I was just a kid, living with my parents and two brothers, going to high school. I wasn't anybody special. I wasn't somebody noteworthy that God would talk to.
//Fanon continuation of response\\
I haven't seen God for a long time. A year, at least. Maybe more. Not since I moved to the Temple with Bliss. Sometimes I wonder if He's forgotten about me. I moved on. I ate the golden apple. I married a god. I started my own family. Maybe He thinks I don't need Him anymore. Maybe I don't. But maybe I do. Maybe something's missing now. I don't think about it all the time. Only late at night, when it's quiet. When Bliss and Serenity are sleeping. When I'm laying there beside my husband, watching him sleep. Only sometimes when I hold my daughter in my arms, when she's sleeping and everything is quiet. I look at her and she's so perfect.
Only sometimes.
nostalgic